Why?

I know of an 82 year old grandma...Sweet lady.

Chatted up with her for a while till she told me about how she came to mumbai, The war broke in Burma when she was a lil shy of 12, the japanese were cruel to a whole lot of her relatives. She escaped to Goa- then under the portuguese with nothing at all...just the family. Earlier educated in cambridge, she was at a loss when she joined a school here in India.

Had to learn portuguese and in her stylish anglais she says.."It was all rubbish..what english do they speak"the ship she escaped in had all the lights painted in tar...she still remembers the journey,in darkness and hunger and thirst and fear.

I was quite a looker then Girl she grins and adds with a wink, never got to go to a college...I had 7 boyfriends...all great catches....But my mother she got me married to this guy who had his own house.

Her face changed "He was a beast, drunkard a total bugger I say" would try every trick in the book to have his way. I had 3 children in 3 years and then I told that bugger that next time he abused me.......I wish to this day I could leave him...she leafed thru her diary and showed me a handsome mans obituary note. This bugger is dead and gone...Was mighty interested in me really. Well mannered and behaved, never touched alcohol...looked at me longingly with love at every church service. I told him nay...I am a married woman and I love my husband very much...That bugger never married you know? left me something when he died...Her eyes wet she said... I loved my husband you know...though a bugger that he was...60 years I was mad at him so that he would make up and mend his ways you know??? He never did...only later I knew that the doodhwalli made up for where I was lacking... Hey I was an emotional fool...Wanted to die then and there but then that bugger needed someone in his last legs...I used to once pray that he be dead.

Thats how much I hated him cause I lived with him...should ve left that bugger long before much before he had a foot in the grave and the other on a soap...he drank to hurt me..smoked to punish me..should have left the bugger so that i would not have hated him so much so much that i wished him dead...

I am 82 my girl....my sons and daughters are mean asses.... I am here in this home for good. The house that belonged to my husband is under litigation for 13 years. a car ran over 6 months before and my hip...she shows me two huge scars before she broke down and cried...My lawyer is cheating me my girl...all lawyers are cheats...swindlers...

I smile and she says hug me harder...That bugger must be seeing me from hell and writhing in pain...My husband...that bugger..never truly got a hug of love from anyone but me...I would ve given it for a life time...but he ruined his chances...she winks again and says...girl your bones are showing. What you need is a lot of affection...

I smile and tell her, hug me closer darling...There is none to watch but its a nice feeling.

Fear- its is a grand thing our memory, how it rules over our life..some smells, incidents,locations, people, expressions, sounds, names can just bring forward a whole gammut of feelings and you are trembling...That fear how familiar...

I understand the 82 year old beauty, I admire her strength..but what a miserable life really...She is still  a looker...quite a looker...;)